Day One, 11:11am

I'm definitely doing this... just made my first potion. And can I say, yum? I'm always amazed at how good it tastes.

This time I'm trying to drink it with Smart Water, for the electrolytes. Maybe I'm a huge sucker, but I figure it can't hurt -- and since I'm basically not having any other food for the next three days, the cost is justifiable.

I didn't quite know what to eat for dinner last night. We ended up ordering sushi, figuring it was raw-ish -- although the well-meaning folks at Miyako included some free Japanese spring rolls. They were greasy, but delicious. I ate more raw fish than I normally would and felt kind of queasy after... the perfect start to three days of non-eating.

This morning I'm having the big caffeine debate with myself. I know it's strictly forbidden, and yet... I'm terrified of the additional pain. What I'm thinking at this point is that I'll have green tea today and start the official weaning tomorrow. Man, this is going to suck.

Day Zero, 7:21pm

I'm going to fast again. This time, it's '06. Just a little over a year later. I'm still at the same job!

I didn't really prepare for this. No raw food day or anything. In fact, it's the night before the fast, and I just ate a bag of doritos from the vending machine. I'm still at work.

I have a lot of homework to do this weekend, and errands, and no real social plans to speak of. I want to do this thing before Thanksgiving, while it's still fall, while I still stand a chance. So this weekend it is. I need to get some lemons on my way home.

I think I'm probably insane.

Day Three, 12:50pm

Okay so posting didn't go so well yesterday. I went to a double feature and was gone for about five hours, and stupidly I didn't bring any of the concoction with me. I could tell my blood sugar was so, so low -- I got really withdrawn and spacy and cranky. Getting home from the theater is kind of a blur. I'm somewhat hypoglycemic so this is something I've dealt with since childhood. Ask my mom. Her favorite story is about how she used to carry candy around in her purse for me. Good times!

Anyway I drank one when I got home and started feeling better pretty quickly. Which is good because I was reminding myself of Shelby in Steel Magnolias. "Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" I realized I only drank two and a half bottles all day and that was totally not enough. Today I'm shooting for four.

I went to bed around 10:30ish and slept very well. In fact, the past two nights feel like the best sleep I've gotten in months. Maybe it's the change in weather, or the fact that we've been sleeping in the living room where the fan is, but whatever it is, I'm happy about it. Today, I feel pretty great.

I started out with another salt flush, and even though it's gross I kind of like it. I'd like to do it again tomorrow morning, but I have an 8am dentist's appointment, so I'm not sure logistically how that's going to work. I can't really picture telling my dentist that I need to get up mid-filling because salt water is about to come shooting out of my butt.

Anyway, my junk food cravings have mostly subsided. I still want to eat -- oh god do I want to eat -- but at the same time I'm at peace with the fact that I'm not going to. I just ran out to buy more lemons (and limes!) and I had total tunnel vision in the store. Nothing but citrus fruits caught my eye.

I just made my first lime version and can I say that it really doesn't taste any different?

Mood: good
Mental: let you know when I start working
Physical: great but I exhaust easily
Hunger: under control

Day Two, 9:21am

I slept well last night. I had another lemonade when I got home, but was still quite hungry while I fell asleep. I woke up early feeling rested but with the beginnings of a terrible headache. Not sure if I should caffeinate or not.

I did the salt water flush this morning. It tasted horrible. I should have sprung for the good salt. But it did its job. Without going into graphic detail, let's just say that I'm feeling a bit more... flushed.

I know today will be rough. I considered giving up last night because I wanted hot food so badly. Pizza, thai, mexican -- anything! But I'll stick it out. I just hope I reach the tipping point soon.

Mood: fair
Mental: murky
Phsyical: headachey
Hunger: lots

Day One, 5:31pm

So the fast has officially begun. So far, so good. I haven't actually been that hungry -- I think the raw food helped to shrink my appetite. I had some horrible stomach rumblings in my 3-4pm meeting, but it was just a one-on-one. If she heard anything, she didn't make it known. I think in any given social situation, it's up to the rumbler, not the rumblee, to point out the noise -- wouldn't you agree?

I may be a little loopy. My mood is good, but I think it's more because I've been working and busy and things are somewhat falling into place. Plus, it's 5:30 on a Friday, and what could be better than that? My stomache doesn't hurt anymore.

Emotional: Good!
Intellectual: No idea!
Physical: No complaints!
Hunger: Not bad, but still kind of want a hot meal.

Day One: 1:28pm

I'm drinking the lemonade.

Day One, 12:50pm

I'm surly. Let's start at last night, when I couldn't fall asleep. I was hungry.

This morning I didn't eat. I made two liters of concoction. My proportions roughly as follows:

1 liter bottle of water
3 tablespoons fresh-squeezed lemon juice
3 tablespoons B-grade maple syrup
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper

They are both still in my bag. My tummy was hurting, I decided to have a handful of almonds. Work was more important and the fast could begin after lunch. Things were well (I was surprisingly full from like 15 almonds) until the tummy pain returned. Now, it's worse.

I had wanted to get juice for lunch, but now I'm not sure what to drink. Juice? Concoction? Seems like Sophie's choice. What's least likely to result in an urgent dash to the ladies room?

Once I begin the lemonade there is no turning back.

Mood: surly
Mental facilities: holding steady
Physical: moderate stomache pain
Hunger: not interested in solid food (see "physical")

Day Zero, 11:48pm

Yeah. That sleeping thing? Not working out. This is me, awake.

Awake and hungry.

Mood: horrible.
Emotions: in check. just barely.
Mental facilities: I just put "mood" and "emotions" as seperate categories if that's any indication.
Physical state: awake.
Hunger: a new high. abdominal grumbling.

Day Zero, 9:01pm

Raw food day was mostly a success. I had this weird raw pizza thing for dinner that was not too shabby. It had spinach and broccoli and mushrooms inside, with a crust made from ground up chickpeas, cashews, and flax seeds, and a sundried tomato sauce. I'm still hungry, but at least I feel like I had a meal.

I'm tired. Have I mentioned how tired I am?

I'm a little nervous about tomorrow. I'm mostly concerned about two things: one, that my stomach will growl in one of my several first-impression meetings, and two, that I will be so lightheaded and fatigued that I will be unable to intellectualize. Or converse. Or keep drool inside of my mouth.

There's a small chance I may chicken out. I will allow myself this, since it's my first week on a new job and I don't want to be unreasonable. But if this happens, the fast begins after work. There will be a fast. Don't you worry.

My evening hope is to sleep through the night and not wake up with any horrible gastronomical disorders that involve being glued to the toilet for lengthy stretches of time.

Mental: Tipsy
Emotional: Tame
Physical: Tired
Hunger: Trying to accept the fact that it's only going to get worse

Day Zero, 5:25pm

I ate pretty much all day. My blood sugar was plummeting earlier (see below) but I righted it with some carrots. I peed a lot.

My pee is clear, which I take as a good sign. My energy level is okay. I've been able to concentrate a little better. Still can't process numbers, but I can hardly blame that on the diet.

Just ate the gorilla granola and it was much more edible than when I first tried it this morning. In fact, it was downright tasty. I wonder if I could exist indefinitely on a raw foods diet, and if maybe I should try that instead.

Mental: Ready to go home
Emotional: Fair
Physical: Tired, but no more than every day at this time
Hunger: None

Day Zero, 2:44pm

Okay, a few things have happened to suggest that my mental facilities may be slipping. I couldn't remember how to spell "pear." I tried "pair" and "pare" and then I consulted a dictionary. Then I ran downstairs to buy tampons and accidentally ended up with scented ones. If you aren't familiar, there is no odor quite so foul as the one P&G wants me to put in my lady business. "Fresh" indeed.

I do feel kind of out of it. I think I need to have separate updates for mood and mental clarity, although both are in decline. My cramps are worse than usual, which may or may not be related to the limited diet. I might be having a post-banana blood sugar low.

Mental: in decline
Emotional: in decline
Physical: in decline
Hunger: stable

Day Zero, 1:13pm

The zuchinis heightened my appetite, so I had a handful of almonds. And a good thing too, because shortly after I was called unexpectedly into a meeting. I was sure my stomach would have been growling. I'm definitely nervous about this for tomorrow -- my tummy tends to get loud when it wants to be fed, but somehow only in the quietest of moments. Maybe that's part of why it's being punished.

Upon my return I had another handful of almonds, and now I'm about to eat a banana. Bananas are one of those foods that you totally take for granted until you stop eating sugar, at which point they become like candy bars. Anyway, I have decided that raw food day is easy. I could eat like this for days.

Mental: AOK
Physical: No complaints
Hunger level: Moderate

Day Zero, 11:38am

I tried the gorilla granola bar, and it took me several minutes to eat one bite. Dense. I might skip eating it and instead keep it in my purse as a weapon.

I'm not exactly hungry, but there's all this food in my bag. I have an overall sense that I'm depriving myself somehow, which is making me want to eat. I just broke into the zuchini sticks.

Mental: distracted
Physical: same
Hunger: somewhere around 5-ish

Day Zero, 10:43am

I'm doing a "master cleanser" detox fast. The first real day is tomorrow. Today, I'll eat raw food only.

I was excited to find a wide variety of freshly prepared raw foods at a local health food store. I bought a slice of raw apple pie, and a couple of gorilla granola bars which together weigh about three pounds. The pie was my breakfast. It tasted like a combination of sawdust and diabetes medicine. I only ate half.

I woke with a headache and felt nauseous after breakfast, but that may have been due to my girl problems. Excellent timing, no? This will basically render my experiment useless. I have no control group. The nausea could also be attributed to the horror pie.

Since then, no complaints. I have a bagful of cut-up veggies, fruits, and raw nuts. I'm allowing myself green tea and will likely continue to do so throughout the fast. Also, advil. Probably not what they mean by "raw," but after some consideration I decided this point is non-negotiable.

Mood: 8
Physical health: 8
Hunger: 6